The Longest of Lists: “You know you’ve been in Taiwan too long … “

I just found an interesting bilingual version of the “You know you’ve been in Taiwan too long” list at a site called “Fili’s World” — http://www.filination.com/blog/2009/01/05/you-know-youve-been-in-taiwan-for-too-long-when/. 

Anyway, as I returned today from a “temple tour” (進香團 ) down the east coast of Taiwan to Hualien, I found this enhanced list to have new giggles for me personally.  Check it out!  I really got a kick out of these previously unseen entries:

 70. Sometimes the sight of yourself in the mirror shocks you.
有時候看到鏡子中的你會嚇一跳
71. You think your nose is big.
你覺得你的鼻子大了點
72. You speak Mandarin with a Taiwanese accent.
你說的中文有台灣腔

Our temple performers prepare to greet the local temple god -- or punch someone out 都可以.

 

Greetings the gods

 

See more pictures in Photo Library at link below:

http://rosannelin.wordpress.com/photo-library/%e4%b8%ad%e5%92%8c%e6%bf%9f%e5%8d%97%e5%ae%ae%e9%80%b2%e9%a6%99%e5%9c%98-989-chunghe-jinan-temple-tour-20099/

The diversity of betel nut products (檳榔食品)

I was recently doing some research on betel nut products and discovered that preparation methods are very diverse.  Although all betel nuts may start out the same, there is a great range of end products.  So for those curious to learn more, glance over the chart below. 

Betel Nuts Products

Two main types of betel nut products		Two types of paste
Not wrapped in leaf	Wrapped in leaf	– the chemical reaction between the paste and the betel nut stimulates the nervous system
JingZai (菁仔) –        no leaf –        sold in box –        broken open with paste inside	BaoYeZi (包葉子) –        wrapped in leaf –        sold in bag –        paste is spread out on leaf	White Paste (白灰) is made from pickling lime(石灰) and has no flavorhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slaked_lime“In chewing betel nut or coca leaves, calcium hydroxide is usually chewed alongside to keep the alkaloid stimulants chemically available for absorption by the body”
YouJing(幼菁) –        a small green piece of vegetation is placed inside nut –        this vegetation which is indigenous to Taiwan is called LaoHua (荖花) and tastes similar to fresh wasabi (see picture)	ShuangZiXing (雙子星) – two small betel nuts wrapped in a leaf	Red Paste (紅灰) has a sweet taste and is made from pickling lime and Chinese herbs. Note:  Both red and white paste produce red colored spit
	PoBanZai (剖半仔) –        This product is the cheapest one and is usually used by workers –        A large betel nut is cut into two pieces and then each piece is wrapped in a separate leaf

Plants used to make betel nut products

Note: Picture can be found at following link:

http://www.syh.doh.gov.tw/main.php?index=hygiene_detail&id=51&no=&mid=&pid=&sid=

For more on this topic check out American Chamber of Commerce “TOPICS” article — Taiwan Business: Taiwan’s Betel Nut Culture Deeply Engrained — at:

http://www.amcham.com.tw/content/view/2810/428/

情人節: Lover’s Day on the Lunar Calender

Happy Lover’s Day to all from ”Bossman” and I

Happy Lovers Day to All! Just keep living in the moment!

Love you too!

House parties are sorely missed

As a veteran of Hamilton, Ontario’s Teenage Beer Drinking Party scene as well as Vancouver’s former 1980s Gas Town-Irish Rovers pub scene, I have to say that I consider myself an expert on rocking house parties.  And things certainly weren’t dull in Taiwan when I first arrived either.  However, the older I get, the fewer the opportunities to go wild — “residentially speaking” that is. 

So I just want to remind all you “youngins” out there what constitutes a good blow-out.  You know that you’ve hosted a wailing bash when …

1. The next day your neighbors look worse than you feel
2. At least one guest got naked; ran around the neighborhood; and then forgot to take their clothes home
3. You awake sometime the next afternoon to find a line of parked taxi cabs in front of your house with the drivers all passed out on the living room floor
4. When you finally get up enough energy to answer the telephone, it’s one or more of your roommates calling from county lock-up
5. More than one person had their eyebrows shaved off or were inadvertently tattooed
6. More than one guest ended up in the local emergency room where they bought more beer from the 7-11 — or, if in Canada, had a friend smuggle it in – and continued to drink
7. Guests who were invited by other guests — or just heard about the event and decided to drop by – turn out to be old university, high school, or even elementary school classmates
8. You pick up your pictures from the PhotoMat — well these days just check the digital camera — and discover shots of yourself with people you don’t know and don’t remember meeting

 

What's wrong with being childish? Kids always have more fun!

Anyway, as I’ve already said, things were much more exciting for me back in Taiwan’s late 1990s.  Any other old “fogies” out there?  See if you can find a picture of yourself at this link:  http://www.rosannelin.com/photogallery.html

Furthermore, should you have your own ideas on this subject, be sure to post!

 

Could’ve been the whiskey
Might’ve been the gin
Could’ve been the three or four six-packs,
I don’t know, but look at the mess I’m in
My head is like a football
I think I’m going to die
Tell me, me oh, me oh my
Wasn’t that a party

Someone took a grapefruit
Wore it like a hat
I saw someone under my kitchen table
Talking to my old tom cat
They were talking about hockey
The cat was talking back
Long about then every-thing went black
Wasn’t that a party

I’m sure it’s just my memory
Playing tricks on me
But I think I saw my buddy
Cutting down my neighbour’s tree

Wasn’t That A Party, The Irish Rovers

老闆台灣男人的味道太重

 That Boss’s Taiwanese Man Flavor is Too Strong

 

上個禮拜有一天我在我男友小吃店附近的全家便利商店裡買東西時，我聽見兩個年輕的男女友談怪怪的話.  我在後面的走道看者薯片所以他們看不到我

男友說:  [你認識那對面的熱炒店嗎?]

女友一直看東西回答:  [認識. 我常常在那家買外帶. 那家的炒飯不錯.]

男友看女友一下再說:  [你知道那個老闆的老婆是美國人?]

女友因這句話感到驚訝. 她說:  [不可能!  我難以相信因為那個老闆台灣男人的味道太重吧!  你大概聽錯了.]

男友搖頭說:  [沒有!  我自己看過她在那邊幫老闆的忙.  她的頭髮是金黃色的, 而且我聽見她在手機上用英文講話.] 

 女友不屑的回答說:  [你的英文那麼爛  你怎麼知道那個女生說英語?  她真的是老闆娘的話她大概是從俄羅斯來的.]

我忽然從下一個走道出來在他們面前笑地說:  [我不是美國人也不是俄羅斯人.  我是加拿大人.  真高興你喜歡我老公煮的菜.]

 他們的臉看起來像震驚地不會講話.  當我離開商店時,我笑死了.

 Enhanced Translation

 

Last week while at the Family Mart near my boyfriend’s restaurant to buy some “shut-up and pay attention reward-point” potato chips for my students, I overheard a young couple having a strange conversation.  I was out of their sight in the rear aisle of the store purusing the various brand names – a good vantage point for eavesdropping — when the boy asked the girl:  ”Do you know that ‘hot-fry’ restaurant across from here?”

His girlfriend while continuing to examine the items on the shelf answered, “Sure.  I often go there to get take-out.  That place has good fried rice.”

At that point, the boy turned to look at his girlfriend and said, “Did you know the boss’ wife is an American?”

The girl appearing shocked by this statement exclaimed, “Impossible!  I just can’t believe it!  That boss’ ‘Taiwanese man flavor’ is too strong.  You probably heard wrong.”

The boy shook his head and said, “No way!  I saw her myself.  She was helping the boss.  She has blond hair, and furthermore I heard her talking English on her cellphone.”

The girl scolded him saying, “Your English is so terrible how could you possibly know what language she was speaking.  If she really is the ‘boss-lady’, then she’s probably a Russian.”

On that note, I finally emerged from my hiding spot; approached the pair; and declared, “I’m not an American nor a Russian.  I’m a Canadian.  Happy to hear you like my man’s cooking.”

As I departed overwhelmed by laughter, I glanced back over my shoulder and saw the two speechless with jaws on the floor.

 Editor-in-Blog

Forget the “A-doah” controversy!  I rather detect some “self-cultural-loathing” going on here.  Reminds me of all those old Italian- Americans/Canadians running around trying to emulate the Brits.  Nothing like looking down on your own cultural-historical-genetic roots.

這個外國小姐是不是從俄羅斯來的?